My college fraternity, the Alpha-Iota Chapter of Kappa Sigma, does a thing every year called the Old Man Jam. It is where a bunch of of alumni, usually 20-30, get together, rent a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN and watch the Super Bowl over a weekend.
Last year was the first time I was invited to OMJ and I could not have had a better time with my brothers. This year was no different. We told stories, drank some beer, watched some football and just had an overall good time. The cabin was huge, there was a game room, a hot tub, arcade games and a big fire pit outside.
One thing the Old Man Jame does, not in a good way, is remind me about how truly stupid I was back in college. You see, I managed to get my self suspended from the fraternity, for a period of time. This hurts. At OMJ, a large number of the stories told are stories of things that took place during the time of my suspension. I don’t remember them because I wasn’t there. I find myself sitting there laughing at stories in which other people played a part… but not me. After a while, I am reminded of the stupid thing I did that caused me not to be a part of the stories.
I know it isn’t healthy to harbor regrets, but these days, it is hard for me. Suffice to say that, like many people, if I could go back and do things differently, I would. Don’t worry about me. I have no grand plans for an escape from the things that are saddening me lately, but I am struggling to figure out a way to turn them into a positive. I will do it, it is just hard and I can’t seem to put my mind at rest about it.