So, WAAAAYYY back in 1970... August 7th, to be exact, the individual, responsible for some my most deeply engrained childhood fears, began plotting, on the off chance she might acquire a younger sibling someday.
In fact, she did acquire said sibling three years and 10 months later. This was more than enough time for her to plan the various mechanisms of torture that would befall me for the next 15, or so, years. Luckily, by the time she reached the age of 19, Cathy Barber Troxel completed the task at hand, and my education of what having an older sister, who happened to be bigger than me, was complete.
The beatings stopped, the psychological manipulation ceased, and she transformed, as if by magic, into the truly wonderful big sister we all know and love. Even though the letters have long since rubbed off her AARP card, we do, in fact, still love her, and I would like to publicly wish her a very happy birthday. Let this notice serve as evidence of my affection for her, in the event it is needed in future legal proceedings.